You want your ex back. What are you
going to do? Well, the firs thing is, it helps to
have some good relationship intelligence. However, in school we weren’t
taught any relationship skills. We learned geography and math and
science but not relationship skills. Yet in life, relationship skills
count for more happiness than geography, don’t they?
This is never more true than in a break
up. Well, here is some relationship intelligence that can help get your
ex back. Sometimes, a Short, Powerful Apology can get two people past a
break up. If you are willing to fess up for your part in the matter,
you can move past a lot of hurt feelings quickly.
Now, relationships end for a lot of
different reasons. But if yours ended because you did something hurtful
to your mate, or you both did hurtful things to each other, sometimes
you can get them back with a heartfelt, deep apology. However, most of
us never learned the relationship intelligence to make a deep apology.
It begins with fessing up. Owning what
you did wrong. Just being willing to say that I did you wrong in this
way. “I cheated on you and I know I hurt you by what I did.” That is
owing what you did. No mile of excuses and justifications. You just
say what you did wrong as a first human decent step in an apology.
Once you have done this, you are well on
your way to forgiveness. When we fight with other people, when we hurt
them, before they can forgive they need to understand that we recognize
the problem. If you say “I cheated on you and I know this hurt you
deeply,” your ex will at least know that you understand basic human
feelings. It is a powerful start.
Then the next step is something no one
ever thinks of when making an apology. And that is to stop talking and
get your ex to talk. Ask them “How did my actions make you feel?” When
you ask something like that, you open room for your ex to vent. This is
a powerful technique that can make all the difference in a deep apology.
Your ex is your ex because they are full
of bitter, negative emotions about you and what you did. The good
feelings they had for you are covered over by all the negative
feelings. You can’t get them back until they release those bad
feelings. How can they release these feelings? By venting. Talking
about them. Getting them off their chest.
So if they yell at you for fifteen
minutes you should be happy! Because they are actually getting all the
angry, hurt feelings off their chest. After a while of venting, they
will be “empty” of the hurt feelings. Like a balloon that is now
deflated. They will have room to forgive you if they can make room by
venting. There are more steps to an effective deep apology, but these
two will get you further than saying “I’m sorry” a hundred times!
Here is how you can start the process of
a deep apology.
-
I’m sorry for my part in this (not
listening to you, or being cold to you)
-
I know I hurt you or pissed you off,
and I will try not to do that again.
-
How do you feel about what I did?
What are you feelings about this?
This allows the apology to go to a
different place than just saying I’m sorry. You have to help them to
let go of their negative feelings so they can forgive you. These steps
will support that in happening.
The problem is that most people don’t
want to accept blame and responsibility, so they have trouble
apologizing in a powerful way that can help their mate get past the hurt
to forgiveness. The next problem is that people don’t want their ex to
yell at them, so they don’t ask them to vent.
Follow these two steps and see if your
apology can create room for your ex to begin to want you back. It is
much better than just saying I’m sorry! Apologizing won’t always work,
but it will often work to help you reconnect and get past the
breakdown.
Get Ex Back Action Steps:
1. Own up to what you
did. Just admit it.
2. Get them to vent.
Do not do all the talking.
3. After they vented,
which can take minutes, hours or days/weeks (let them go at their own
pace, then say that you are sorry and you won't do it again.
4. See if they forgive
you, or can begin to forgive you!
You can get a free course on Love
Advice here.
There are a lot more steps to
the process of getting your ex back. If you would like to get your
ex back quickly, you can check out a
complete 7 Step Strategy here at
Get Your Love Back Now.
